Lacunae.

I worry a lot these days.

And I over think a lot, too and too bad, I just don't even know how to stop myself from doing so.

From the smallest thing to predicting things in the future, everything kept me in a worried state. I think a lot, but still I couldn't really find a perfect answer to all those questions which kept on spinning in my head.

I don't even know what will happen in another 5 years time.
I don't even know who will eventually leave or stay.
I don't even know if I'll end up being a legal practitioner.
And I don't even know if I'll eventually open up my heart for someone.

I worry, what if I eventually give up one day?
What if I die before I could actually repent?
What if my deeds are insufficient to allow me reside in Jannah?
What if one day I'll get too attached to someone and could never let go?
What if I die before I could actually make my parents proud and happy?

What if?

But sometimes,

I'm just too tired.

Too tired to think.

To tired to even care about anything.

 I am ignorant. I don't really care.

I am unfriendly, I keep my circle small so that I won't get hurt or I won't hurt anyone. 

I am reckless that I tend to commit the same mistake.

I sometimes negligently forget things. And sometimes it's sad how I commit sin without remembering Allah is watching, so does His angels.

I've been holding on to the past so much to the extent that I couldn't even open up my heart to anyone else. 

And to be exact, I've been living in my comfort zone for so long and I'm just too scared to get out of the box.

Life is full of challenges. 

But verily, in hardship comes ease, right?